Joke: The Guide Dogs?
Two guys are out walking their dogs. They decide to get a spot of lunch so head for a fancy hotel, however they notice a sign on the door saying “No dogs (guide dogs excepted)”.
“Don’t worry” says the first guy “if we put on Sunglasses we can pretend to be blind, then they’ll HAVE to let us in. So he puts on his sunglasses and walks up to the door. “I’m sorry sir” says the doorman “we don’t allow dogs in here.” “Oh no” says the first guy “this is a guide dog.” The doorman looks down at the dog (a beagle) and asks “A BEAGLE, sir?” “Yes, they’re fantastic” says the guy, and the doorman lets him in.
The second guy is impressed by his friend’s performance and decides to give it a try. He puts on his dark glasses and walks up to the door. “I’m sorry sir” says the doorman “we don’t allow dogs in here.” “Oh no” says the first guy “this is a guide dog.” The doorman looks down at the dog (a poodle) and asks “A POODLE, sir?” The guy looks shocked and says “Those BASTARDS! I can’t believe they gave me a f***ing POODLE!”
So did he get in?
That was funny
Have a star
That was soooo funny!!! LOL!!! Here’s one for you:
The doctor said “Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men’s clothing store and thought:
“That’s what I need….a new suit.” He entered the shop and told the salesman:
“I’d like a new suit.”
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said: “Let’s see…size 44 long.” Joe laughed: “That’s right, how did you know?” “Been in the business 60 years!!” he said. Joe tried on the suit, it fit perfectly. Joe says “How bout a shirt?” The tailor says sure. “Let’s see..34 sleeves and 16 1/2 neck.” Joe was surprised, but then he remembered he had been in the business for 60 years.
Joe then asked about some new underwear. The salesman says: “Sure, let’s see…size 36.” Joe laughed! “I got you, I’ve worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old!!” The salesman shakes his head: “You can’t wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.”